“Don’t Let The Old Man In”

When country singer Toby Keith passed away earlier this year from cancer his song, “Don’t Let the Old Man In” was played everywhere. I was already aware of the song but couldn’t get it out of my head even thinking about it when I would wake up in the middle of the night and first thing in the morning. I think the biggest reason is because it bugged the shit out of me that I had in fact let him in and there was nothing I could do about it. Obviously he definitely got in with PNH, the diagnosis which was in 2020. The reality was I knew that if I was being honest with myself that he started making his way in prior to the diagnosis because the symptoms were there before I just didn’t know the cause of the symptoms. Sometime around 2015 my VA doctor in Modesto started noticing that I was becoming anemic and he didn’t know the cause. He never did find out.

In 2019 I went to a GI doctor at the VA in Eugene after relocating to Oregon and he was frustrated that no one had looked at why I had Anemia so he insisted that my PCP send me to specialists if that’s what it took. Fortunately I was sent to the Willamette Valley Cancer Institute and assigned to Dr. Lonergan who had me tested multiple ways including a bone marrow biopsy and that’s when I received the diagnosis of a rare blood disorder that was incurable but at least treatable. Well that journey has been pretty well documented in my blogs and on my instagram. 

So I decided to go down a rabbit hole and see if I could figure out where I first started noticing how much and when PNH was really starting to affect my running. Because I documented all of my races for years I was able to look through notes and actually see signs that I was slowing down for more than just age. While PNH provided a reason it hasn’t made it any easier to accept the fact that not only is the Old Man in but that there is no way he’s going anywhere. Here are a few of the observations I made after looking through my race history. 

I went back as far as 2013 to see what my performances were like and how they changed over time through the anemia diagnosis in 2015 and on to the PNH diagnosis in 2020. I’m just going to type these in a format that is simple and easy to follow and pretend that anyone else gives a damn. 

In 2013 I ran the Modesto Memorial Mile in 8:49 and then ran it in 2014 in 8:53 and 8:51 in 2015. I use this race specifically because I have results from this race in 2016 after February knee surgery and ran 12:43 and then again in 2017 in 10:29. Obviously the knee surgery in addition to anemia slowed me down but from 2017 on it just continued to get worse. 

In 2014 I dropped out of the Double Dipsea at the turnaround, still the only race I’ve ever dropped out of in my life but that turned out to be an anomaly. Prior to that I was still running some sub 9:00 mile races and sub 30:00 5K’s. I ran the Eugene Half Marathon in 2:39.36 and the Jersey Shore Half Marathon in October in 2:28.51 my fastest half in 2 1/2 years so obviously at that point in late 2014 I was still racing decent for someone in their mid 60’s. 

2015 my 5K times started to consistently get slower but still stayed in the 30’s and 31’s and I did a half in October in Missouri and still managed to run 2:38.39. Everything was still mostly consistent. So still no dramatic drops in performance the year I was actually diagnosed with anemia. 2016 is when I really started seeing changes. Of course the initial drop off in performance was a result of recovery from arthroscopic knee surgery on February 12th. I tried to come back too soon in the worst possible way. I did an 8 mile very hilly trail race in deep snow in Greenland, Colorado on April 30th.. Not very bright! As mentioned above my Modesto Memorial Day Mile was 12:43 almost four minutes slower and my 5K’s were all in the 35/36 minute range for the most part but some over 40 minutes were creeping in. 

2017 saw consistent 36 minute range 5K’s and the race that foresaw the end of doing half marathons for me.. I had said when I couldn’t do a half under 3:00 then I was done running them. In June I ran the Ventura Half Marathon and barely broke three hours, 2:59.05 probably should have slowed down because it was definitely a sign that my half racing was about done. I did do Modesto Memorial Mile again in 10:29 two minutes faster than 2016 and 5K’s were again mostly high 30’s. In 2018 by April 40 minutes plus became the new norm for 5K’s and in May I did what I knew would probably be my last attempt to do a half marathon. I ran the Willamette Valley Half Marathon in Salem, Oregon in 3:07.6. My race notes said, “good course, good weather, not prepared for a half”. I started to realize that the reality was I couldn’t get half marathon ready anymore. 

2019 The wheels came off and the Old Man got his foot in the door with no intention of taking it back out. When ‘19 began I had completed races in 34 of the lower 48 states and my goal was to finish 48 at some point. Of the 36 races I did in 2019 I have times from 22 5K’s and they told the story of my lost fitness by the numbers. Of the 22 races 18 of them were over 40 minutes and the 4 that were under 40 were all over 39 minutes. The first race of the year on New Year’s Day I ran 39:37 in St. Louis. The other three sub 40’s were 39:49, 39:55 and 39:18; I 2nd exactly tearing it up, Two other races pretty much showed that the ‘Old Man’ was here to stay. The first was the Ozark Foothills 25K, a very challenging race even for someone who is fit. My notes from that race were pretty clear about where my fitness was and where it seemed to be heading quickly. 

“Very technical and muddy course. Only two aid stations. Hardest race I’ve ever done. Poorly prepared. Underestimated the course and overestimated myself” The finish cutoff was seven hours and I did 6:54.20. I truly spent a lot of time during that race thinking about whether I was done or not with racing but I knew that if I could just get through it that I’d get back out there. I had another 25K planned for New Mexico the next week but knew that I was physically unable to even think about doing it. My next two races were in late May in Colorado a tough 3.5 trail race in Aguilar and the Bolder Boulder 10K both basically just start and survive. The second race that I mentioned that showed the ‘Old Man’ was in to stay was the Hardesty Hardcore 5.5 mile up by Lowell. It took me 2:10.32 and once again felt like I should quit if there was a bailout point. As soon as I hit oxygen debt there was no recovery no matter how slowly I shuffled. 

After 2019 my racing became a lot less because of multiple reasons, COVID epidemic and poor air quality from forest fires being the two main ones. The cause of my anemia issues was finally identified on May 4th of 2020 when I was diagnosed with Paroxysmal Nocturnal Hemoglobinurea (PNH). While I’ve been able to easily document the downward trajectory of my race times and efforts, 2020 and 2021 were disrupted by the pandemic and forest fires and many races were done virtually. The prior six years my race totals were 2014 - 42; 2015 - 34; 2016 - 21 (the year I had knee surgery and the year after my anemia diagnosis); 2017 - 35; 2018 - 37 and 2019 - 34 (the year before my diagnosis). I did still manage to add 5 additional states in 2019.

In 2020 I did 17 races but 13 of them were virtual. The four in person races were all 5Ks and times were between high 42’s and low 44. No new states in 2020. In 2021 I had my lowest race total with only six in person and 3 virtual. My 5K times were between 47:52 and 51:54, the first time finishing slower than 50 minutes, the downward trend was just continuing and any effort to train was basically nonexistent. I did manage to get another state when I raced in St..Joseph, Michigan. 

I got out and raced more in 2022, completing 18 5K’s and one mile race. Of the 18 5K’s only four of them were under 50 minutes and most of them were between 51 and 56, I was getting slower and slower as oxygen debt showed up early and often. The mile time was 13:33. I did manage to get 4 additional states. I actually set out on an east coast trip to finish the last states but after the third state in a row I went back to St. Louis and was in the ER with breathing problems the next day. So I ended the year with 44 of the 48 states, a diagnosis of exercise induced bronchial issues and to end the year I was diagnosed with COVID on December 30th. As I wrote in a blog at the time, “the hits just kept on coming”. 

The highlight of 2023 was meeting my goal of doing a race in all 48 states. I made another east coast trip and finished RI, CT, ME and VT. I did two 5Ks and two 1 miles in Eugene before heading east. I did 52 & 51 for the tanks and 15:48 and 16:19 for the miles, there was no fooling myself that I was ever going to get in better shape. On my trip east I stopped and did a very challenging 5K at altitude in Garden of the Gods in Colorado Springs for a Reunion Run, I was still trying to race with friends, my time was 57:45 so slower yet. The races on the east coast started of decent with  a 5K in RI in 51:26 right at sea level then I did a mile the next day in CT in 15:32; I was 4th in the 70 - Infinity age group in both races. The next weekend I did 5K’s in ME and VT and they were times in both races that I questioned why I was even trying anymore. The Maine race was a trail race with very bad footing and I ran 1:02 and the Vermont the next day was brutal. I ran 1:23.44 for a 5K. My race notes said, “Hardest 5K I’ve ever done. A lot of uphill. I don’t think I would have quit but I’m glad there wasn’t a point where I had to decide”. 

Based on those last two races I went home figuring any racing was done for me. I decided to try to do the Butte to Butte on July 4th in Eugene it was tradition I wanted to try to keep doing. I showed up race morning still not sure I was going to start but did the race and surprised myself by only being a minute and nine seconds slower than the year before. After Maine and Vermont I honestly wouldn’t’t have been surprised to do over an hour and that probably would have been the end of racing. I decided to do a mile at Dorris Ranch because it was an evening race and it continued to follow the trend of slowing, 17:29. That was in August. In October there was a free race at UO that didn’t start until noon so I decided to try it and did 52:27 so I felt okay about still trying to race and I finished the year with another tradition race, the Turkey stuffer in Springfield on Thanksgiving Day. I ran over four minutes slower than the year before 54:53 - 50:25. That’s how 2023 ended it’s now almost March 2024 and I haven’t raced since. 

The “Old Man” has taken up permanent residence and as I write this I honestly don’t know when or if I’ll attempt another race. It’s hard to even think about that as I type it but it is reality. I still write races on my calendar but so far as each one comes up it gets crossed off. So we’ll see.